5 Reminders For Mamas Who Are Getting Ready To Welcome Their Second Baby!
Do you remember welcoming your first baby? I wonder what your memories are like? It seems that in most stories you can easily identify very similar themes and yet vastly different experiences. Some common themes fall under the category of pure bliss and others under the category of challenge/difficulty. For some mamas, breastfeeding feels natural, and for others, it can feel extremely stressful. For some mamas, routines fit feel easy, and for others not so much. We all experience very sweet and rewarding moments, but also moments of growth and challenge.
I know for me, the transition to one kid was much harder than to two. With my first, I had spent my whole pregnancy preparing for the perfect birth and had put very little thought into anything beyond that. Of course, I had the perfect nursery and all the baby gear. But I was so caught off guard with the challenges of postpartum and of caring for a ‘colicky’ baby. That fourth trimester was full of many tears!
It took me a long time to recover and to feel prepared enough to try again. When the time came for baby number two, I felt much more prepared in that regard. This time my focus was less on the perfect baby gear or nursery, and much more on ensuring I can have a smooth postpartum and have the right contact/resources set in place should I need support. But there were a different set of challenges to conquer this time.
I think as mothers we will all have varying responses as to whether the transition to one or to two felt more or less difficult - but what is to be expected are moments of pure bliss, but also moments of growth and challenge. In the transition to two children, there are other variables at play such as the age gap between your children, the age of your older child and their ‘independence’ level, and simply the fact that now your attention is split (which can take a little getting used to).
In meditating about my transition into now being a mother of two, here are 5 reminders for mamas getting ready to welcome baby number two!
1. There is no perfect age gap. You will hear a lot of seasoned parents talk about how their planned age gap was the best for ‘x, y, & z’ reasons and it may make you doubt your plan but don’t let it. You know what will work best for your family. Whether your kids are only months apart or several years apart, your family will be uniquely special.
2. You cannot avoid the learning curve. There is always some learning in every transition, and in this case there will be some learning for everyone in the family. Just like we cannot predict the temperament of our ’soon to be here’ baby, we cannot predict how our older child may react to the new member of the family. Your current routines and setups may need to be altered; it’s best to prepare to roll with the punches.
3. Your heart really does double in size. I was not particularly worried about this, but I did read that many mamas are. It’s hard to imagine loving anyone else as much, but you truly can and it is a beautiful feeling to feel your heart expand in that way. I swear it is a physical feeling, as soon as I saw my second born I felt my chest grow and when I saw my two kids side by side, what I felt is indescribable.
4. You may feel a little bit of guilt, but the important thing is to reframe. I was taken aback with how quickly I felt guilt creep in. I felt guilty when I remembered how stressed I was with my first baby that I missed soaking in and truly enjoying the baby snuggles, that fresh baby smell, those first baby coo’s, etc; it has been much easier to enjoy baby number two even in the midst of the newborn typical challenges because I have more perspective now. I also felt that typical guilt from being a little more distracted and less available for my older child. All of these are part of growth, and have gotten better as time goes by. It will get better for you too.
5. It's okay to do things differently this time. Remember washing your hands every 5 minutes with your first? Or remember, sanitizing every single bottle and nipple? Or remember, obsessively tracking every single time baby spent asleep, awake, or feeding? Depending on your personality type, this may resonate more or less - but the point is that when you welcome your second you will more than likely not stress about the same things and surprise yourself with a more laid back approach - and that is okay! Kids do really change us.
These are just a few things I have been reminded of in my first two weeks postpartum with baby number two. I am truly cherishing this time like no other time. And although it is NOT perfect (believe me there have been lots of tears), I am choosing to remain focused on the blissful moments so that I can intentionally store those moments in my memory for a lifetime.
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