Self care as a concept has always left me feeling slightly awful about myself. There were never enough hours in the day to do yoga, have a bath, go for a a run, journalling, bullet journalling, learning a new skill, making overnight oats and ensuring eight hours uninterrupted sleep. I am a terrible sleeper and would berate myself for not being able to complete the perfect self care task list and assign this as the reason I did not get the desired amount and type of slumber.

I always knew I would practice gentle parenting but parenting in a different way to your friends and family is exhausting and can be lonely.

A shower in those newborn days was not helpful or relaxing for me. If my child wasn’t screaming because he was legitimately starving, I was taunted by phantom cries. Getting into the shower led my heart rate to increase and it was a mad dash until I was out. No amount of breathing exercises made a shower enjoyable. What was relaxing for me was holding my baby, getting outside, and being in absolute silence.

One morning I decided to give an episode of RHOP a try and was instantly hooked. I immediately binged and what I didn’t know was that this show was exactly what I needed to start healing the pieces of myself left wounded by pregnancy loss.