Hold Your Baby, Mama
I recently checked in with a friend who just had a baby and had to catch my breath when she told me, “I have to tell myself not to hold him. I don’t want him to be spoiled.” After debating whether or not to say anything, my response was simply, “hold your baby, mama. You can’t spoil him.”
In that moment, I was instantly taken back to all of the scary moments of new motherhood. Is he eating enough? Is he too warm? Is he too cold? Is he breathing? Are my stitches healing? What if he won’t stay awake for his feed? Did I prepare the formula correctly? Is my nipple damaged? Should it still hurt to pee? Is he breathing? Are hot flashes normal during postpartum? Is the car seat harness tight enough? What if he’s sick? Should the umbilical cord stump look like that? Am I bleeding too much? Is he breathing?
There is so much to fear in those early days, essential to keeping a tiny, helpless human alive. How did we get to a place where we convinced ourselves that too much love and our own touch was something to fear?
If that primal, instinctive part of you that comes alive after welcoming your child into the world is telling you something, listen.
Hold your baby. Feed your baby. Rock your baby. Respond to your baby. Soak it all in.
I Miss You Small
That night, I nursed my 15-month-old to sleep, and when I stood up to put him in his crib, I held him just a little bit longer than usual to feel him, heavy against my body. His head cumbersome on my shoulder, his toes hitting my thighs, his arms draping down my back, his heavy body now creating pressure in my lower back, and his breath soft and steady - I could soak in the feeling of his warmth and weight and trust every moment for the rest of my life.
When I think back to those early days, I remember so little. It was a blur. I don’t carry the same fears with me and now worry about other things like speech development, playground injuries, when I’ll be able to go to the bathroom without his peering eyes through the door crack and climbing up furniture.
What I do remember is that every nap spent in my arms was pure perfection, just him and me, getting to know each other through breath, warmth, and gazing eyes. What I do remember is that feeling of soft peach fuzz from his head on my neck and cheek, nuzzling in deeper for comfort. What I do remember is his tiny, warm body feeling so light and delicate, trusting me with absolutely everything he had. What I do remember is his body fitting perfectly in my arms, on my chest, and him feeling more like an extension of my body than another person.
What I know is when my baby is in my arms, I am the most “me” I’ve ever been. What I know is when my baby is in my arms, love is being nurtured and exploding all around us.
Hold your baby, mama.
Love Cannot Spoil
Holding your baby, at any age, is a simple act of love. It is making tangible the fact that you are not only your baby’s lifeline, but you are the foundation for which their entire person is built - emotionally, mentally, and physically. There is no limit where true love becomes bad for a baby. Your love will not spoil your baby.
Our babies do not stop needing our bodies after birth. They need our bodies to regulate their heart rates, their breathing, and their temperature. They need proximity to know they are safe, cared for and loved.
Your love will not spoil your baby. If that little voice inside of you feels like it's right and it works for your family, then it’s absolutely right.
Hold your baby, mama. You can’t spoil him.
Soak it all in.
