It’s easy to get caught up in the Hallmark holiday marketing of Mother’s Day but this year what if we tried looking at it from a radically different perspective? Each Mother's Day represents another year as a mother, so what does that mean for you? Being a mother is part of our identity and although we mustn’t let it completely define us, it is important for our sense of self to make sure that we feel in tune and aligned with who we are as a mother. This doesn’t mean being the perfect mother, far from it, I’m not sure that even exists but it does mean being intentional with our choices. So how can you achieve this?

The first step to achieving this is to reflect on your past year as a mother. How do you feel? Look back with a caring lens and celebrate yourself. Reflect on memories, developments, laughter, tough times, rough times, connected times, and times of pure chaos. Spending time reflecting allows you to get a feel for what’s important to you as a mother, what matters the most to you, what you would like more of, and what you would like less of. Just like anything in life, work, relationships, friendships, great things come from being intentional. By doing so we can set goals and rhythms that we can implement that can lead us to a path of contentment in our journeys as mothers. Shifting from the subconscious to the conscious in our parenting allows us to live a life that is more closely aligned with our values and wishes. It is so important to stress here that this does not mean creating the perfect mothering journey we are often sold and hold ourselves up to, it just means setting some intentions that feel closely aligned with you and being aware of these in the choices that we make. For me, there are three things that I try to be very intentional with to stay in tune with my values as a mother. These are my engagement with social media, my commitment to my goals as a mother, and facilitating my self-care to ensure I don’t burn out. These are still a work in progress and each year I get more deliberate about these three things.

Social Media

In the world we live in now we are exposed to content daily. Most parents I know are following parenting content on Instagram. This content can shape how we view things, how we handle things, and our self-worth and as a result it can lead us to a multitude of feelings both negative and positive. One of the things I would recommend this Mother’s Day is to have a huge sort-through as to what social media parenting content you are exposing yourself to. Is it leaving you feeling depleted once you have read it? Is it inspiring you to handle things differently or helping you understand different phases of development? Do you find yourself slipping into comparison mode after looking at it? Look closely through your social media feed and notice how you feel in your body after being exposed to different influencers’ posts and content and then be very ruthless in getting rid of those things that leave you feeling depleted and be very intentional in what content you would like to be exposed to. Lots of social media content can be useful and informative. My partner follows some gentle parenting accounts and advocates for this drip feed of information having motivated him to break the cycle in the way he parents. I also have found following accounts that talked about dropping the demands of motherhood and accepting the mess and chaos of toddlerhood so helpful in reminding me to stay present and focus on what matters rather than getting caught up in the small things. On the flip side, parenting accounts that highlight perfectly curated outfits with beautiful hair and makeup and color schemes did not reflect my life and left me feeling inadequate and that was beginning to chip away at my self-worth. By deeply caring for myself in my social media exposure, I find my current engagement with parenting on Instagram motivational and I now enjoy what I am being exposed to.

Goals and Intentions

Each year set a small goal for yourself as a mother. Try not to make the goal too big and leave room for growth throughout the year. For example - this year I set the goal of increasing connection and interweaving pockets of connection into my days through my mothering of myself and my toddler. A close friend chose the goal of including her children in the preparation of meals and slowing herself down enough to allow this to happen and to enjoy it. It didn’t need to happen every night, once a week was good enough to allow her to feel closer to her values and goals. Once these goals have been set, empower yourself with the tools needed to achieve this. For my friend, it meant working out which areas in her life she could lessen demands in to free up space for something that meant a lot to her. For me, this meant sourcing some books about increasing connection with both myself and my daughter. Often I will buy all the books and courses, read none, and hope that by them sitting on my shelf, I will absorb the content via osmosis! However, this year I chose two parenting books I would like to read and I dipped in and out of them throughout the year to help motivate and inspire me to achieve my goal for the year.

Nourishment and Self Care

To achieve another rollercoaster year of motherhood and navigate all that mothering throws at you, it is important that you are ensuring you have adequate resources and reserves. It is very easy to forget that as a mother you need mothering too. As cliché as it sounds ‘you cannot pour from an empty cup’. You are not a machine or a fictional mothering character you are a living breathing human being with real needs. Self-care for mothers can feel overwhelming. It’s another thing that you have to achieve, or something you are doing wrong and a task you feel you simply don’t have time for. Homing in on exactly what your self-care needs are will allow you to feel nourished efficiently. Time is something that just doesn’t seem in abundance in motherhood but mothering ourselves is essential. A 2-hour massage might sound luxurious but if it isn’t what nourishes you and fills your cup it might not be the most productive way of spending your precious self-care time. Taking the time to tune in to what you need to feel contentment, joy, fulfillment, and nourishment and then being intentional in your choices to achieve this, will allow you to function at a higher level. So how can you mother yourself a little more this Mother’s Day and throughout the mothering year?

Taking the time each Mother’s Day to reflect on these three areas is a great way of respecting, nourishing, and empowering yourself as a mother!

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