10 Things I Wish I Had Known as a First Time Mom
The reality of having a newborn compared to the experiences of nesting and preparing for said newborn were worlds apart! The imaginary newborn in my head was definitely much more like a dolly than a baby! In my mind they would adore their perfectly curated nursery, stare lovingly at the mobile I had bought, admire the decor I had selected, look so cute in the eco-friendly diapers, love our long walks in their ridiculously overpriced stroller and sleep soundly as I stared lovingly at them in their side sleeper. Even writing this list makes me laugh! I remember spending a whole morning choosing the perfect wallpaper for the nursery thinking it was a huge decision and now I hope my partner appreciates it as he sleeps soundly in there and I still often co-sleep with a 2 and half year old.
So this is a list of the things I wish I had known or had had available:
1. I wish I had known about realistic infant sleep patterns and that I was directed to the wealth of knowledge and information on HeySleepyBaby at every single midwife appointment!
2. I wish that someone had talked to me about the fourth trimester and how it makes no sense that a baby who has lived inside you in the most warm and perfect conditions for nine months would be okay with then being separated from you and that it was so normal for them to want to be as close as possible to you all day long!
3. I wish I had known that breastfeeding is hard! That it is hard to establish, that it takes a long time and that that is okay and NORMAL! I wish I had known that feeding this way is a very different experience to bottle feeding and has much less of a routine and that that is OKAY. I wish somebody had talked to me about the emotional energy expended in using your body to nurture your baby because all I had experienced before this was giving a baby a bottle.
4. I wish I had known that it takes dads time to adjust as well and that their adjustment period will be different to yours but is also valid but that you cannot be the sole support of this. That you will all need supporting and that your relationship will change and evolve and how to adjust and adapt to this.
5. I wish I had known that the development of an infant’s digestive system is normal. It is normal for them to have wind and gas that feels impossible some nights to help with but also I wish I had had the information to be able to decipher when it’s not normal and there’s something else going on and to have free access to people who have up to date holistic medical knowledge about this.
6. I wish that as a society there was more emphasis on the mother’s need to rest so that her body can recuperate from what it has been through in both birth and pregnancy. I felt so guilty resting and I really struggled with going from being active and up and about to being needed so much with breastfeeding and how much that meant I was sat down and the guilt and feeling of unproductivity that initially came with this. I wish there was more information on postpartum recovery.
7. I wish I had known that it is so normal to have so many ‘is it normal’ questions about your baby and that that doesn’t mean you are ill equipped but that you are learning. It would have been the norm to have been surrounded by experienced mothers who could have eased these worries but that sense of village has been lost and with that a mother’s access to knowledge and advice. We have access to antenatal classes but I really feel that they didn’t address the things I wanted to have answered when I was postpartum and navigating the fourth trimester.
8. I wish I had known that baby poo is a science of its own and that you will spend hours discussing it with your partner!
9. I wish I had known that people will have opinions about everything you do but that you are in the early days of a new identity of being a mother and it’s so important to find that balance between your own voice and helpful advice.
10. I wish I had known that babies are genuinely all so different and how your baby is sleeping is not a measure of you as a parent and that leaning into your baby and what they need is the most effective parenting tool!
If you’re looking for all the information you’ll need from the newborn stage through toddlerhood, check out the Newborn Masterclass which is the Essential Baby Sleep Course for New + Expecting Parents OR grab the Baby Bundle to set yourself up for the newborn phase. With this option you’ll get all the great stuff in the Newborn Masterclass PLUS The Ultimate Crib & Bed Guide.
