Mom of 3 & Baby Sleep Expert with Big Sis Energy
& I’VE DONE ALL THE RESEARCH FOR YOU ALREADY.
in this post:
Have you noticed your baby “fighting” sleep? Suddenly naps are a battle, or the fussiness seems to have no end. Nap time and/or bedtime take forever and are full of tears. This is a really, really common experience, but of course, that doesn’t make it any less frustrating (or draining!) for everyone involved. In my experience this often happens for younger babies, especially between about 4-10 months old. There is SO much huge development happening, plus spikes in separation anxiety around 6 and 9 months. If you can’t pinpoint a reason for the fussiness, you might try just riding the wave and letting the phase pass. The big thing to always rule out first is pain, discomfort, or feeding issues.
When baby fights sleep, it can look all sorts of ways. Most commonly it’s exactly what it sounds like- a fight. There might be screaming, crying, squirming out of your arms or fighting at the breast or bottle, and maybe even some tears out of you! Naps and bedtimes don’t have to be this way. The first step towards solving “fighting sleep” is figuring out what exactly is going on. It’s not always easy to tell, especially since there are a number of common reasons that babies might resist sleep — let’s go ahead and dive in!
For starters, the term “fighting sleep” is a bit misleading — babies don’t really FIGHT sleep. After all, sleep comes naturally to humans when we are ready for it and when our system isn’t overloaded with stress. The same is true for babies.
When babies seem to be “fighting” that instinct to sleep, it’s almost always a sign of something else happening to them. Whatever’s going on is causing them to feel like it’s not safe to fall asleep. It’s up to us to get curious about what’s behind that crying. It may take a few tries to figure out what your baby is trying to tell you — that’s totally normal!
You might start with getting curious about the situations/ timings in which your baby fights sleep. Will they happily drift off in your arms or on the go, but “fight” when you try and bring them to the nursery or transfer them to the crib? Do they only “fight” sleep at bedtime after a long, stimulating day? Taking note of these patterns can help you decipher just what your baby is actually fighting.
Just like there’s no one magic sleep solution that works for every baby, there’s no singular sign of “fighting” sleep. It really can vary from baby to baby.
Typically what’s described to me (and what I’ve experienced myself- mom of 3 here!) is a VERY upset and fussy, or even inconsolable baby. There might be lots of crying or screaming, arching their back, going stiff, pushing off of you, scratching, etc. Baby might *almost* fall asleep and then jerk back awake and become very upset all over again.
You might also notice their schedule shifting – the last nap of the day is becoming harder and harder, or being skipped entirely, or the morning nap might be happening later, etc. For babies with an easy-going temperament, “fighting sleep” won’t necessarily look as dramatic, but you’ll notice them having a harder time going to sleep or taking a very long time to settle down.
Babies naturally want to be near us All! The! Time! If your baby is sleeping in a crib, or another space that’s not with you, they may be fighting separation, not sleep. When they can sense that any separation is about to happen (like going to sleep in a crib), they become very vulnerable, and their state of alarm is activated, which makes it really tough for them to fall asleep.
The more baby is separated from us during the day (like when they’re at daycare!) the more frantically they might seek a connection when you’re together. Especially for parents who are working full time, we’re only seeing our baby for a couple of hours in the evening. The rush of dinner, bedtime, and all the household chores can make it challenging to really connect with your baby. They can sense this, and go into full alarm when we try to separate at bedtime.
It sounds counterintuitive, but an “overtired” baby is not going to be able to fall asleep (and stay asleep!) as easily as a baby that hasn’t been experiencing sleep “debt”. The more overtired a baby is, the more their sleep latency (time it takes to fall asleep) shortens between sleep cycles, disrupting those cycle transitions and resulting in less NREM sleep.
However, try not to get TOO bogged down in thinking your baby is overtired. Very rarely does a baby experience true sleep deprivation or truly chronic overtiredness. It’s often a scapegoat for any old sleep issue or fussy behavior. On the flip side, fussiness can also be a sign that your baby is simply understimulated (aka bored!), undertired, and just not ready to go to sleep yet. I know, it’s tricky, right?
This happens with my own baby all the time — sometimes I know I’ll be out during her wake window, so I really try to put her down early… only for her to resist the nap. Your baby could similarly be under-tired and truly not ready for sleep yet, or extremely overtired and fussy, or getting a “second wind.” If this is a once-in-while scheduling hiccup, this is not a big deal at all! Try and track wake windows for a few days to see if you notice a pattern- is the fight happening less with a longer wake window or later nap? That might be the ticket!
Environment: Take inventory of your baby’s sleep situation, and what they might be reacting to. Is something in the room too stimulating, bright, or noisy? What about what they’re wearing: could something be too itchy, hot, or cold, etc.? Something as simple as blackout curtains (use code heysleepybaby for 10% off) or a sound machine/ sleepy playlist could be a major help to reduce stimulation and soothe your baby to sleep.
Internal Discomfort: Sometimes that fussiness is pointing to how your baby physically feeling: they may be gassy, sick, teething, or in pain. Sometimes your baby just has to poop! These scenarios just sort of happen and are really normal — definitely not anything to get super stressed over. Especially if it’s only happening once in a while — think a couple times a week — it doesn’t necessarily point to anything major going on, with one BIG caveat: If your baby is nursing to sleep and is fighting you at the breast, PLEASE check things out with a lactation consultant. It could make all the difference!
As mentioned above, sometimes babies get overwhelmed and overstimulated after a busy day or while out and about. Part of this is determined by their temperament– certain temperaments are more able to easily block out stimuli than others.
Another reason sensory comes into play when we see fighting sleep is babies who are craving MORE stimulation.
Instead of asking how to make your baby STOP fighting sleep, let’s think about how to support them so they don’t have to fight. When baby is habitually really fighting going to sleep, that’s when we need to get curious about what is going on, thinking about the potential causes I laid out above. There are a few approaches you can take, depending on your baby’s situation!
@rachaelshepardohta Replying to @m A few things to think about! #bedtimeroutine #parentlife #bedtimebattles #fightingsleep #bedtimetips #bedtimetakesforever #toddlerwontsleep #2yearregression ♬ original sound – Rachael | Heysleepybaby
Be sure to check out my Ultimate Crib & Floor Bed Sleep Guide or Tender Transitions Course for making gentle nudges toward independent sleep!
For older toddlers who are fighting sleep or going through things like bedtime stalling, check out the Better Bedtimes Guide.
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Hey, I'm Rachael and Hey, Sleepy Baby is for parents who want to get their nights back, without sleep training their babies.
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