toddlers who need support to sleep

If you have been following me for a while, by now you probably know you can’t spoil a baby. We hear so much about how it is okay to support your baby to sleep. But I want you to know, it is okay to support your toddlers and bigger kids too!

Toddlers don’t necessarily stop needing us once they aren’t “babies” anymore…. in fact, they often have INCREASING needs. Toddlers are going through lots of changes and they are more aware of them now that they are older. I’m here to tell you, night waking beyond one year is normal.

There are many reasons toddlers wake at night such as….

• We all do it! This is the most obvious, but we all wake briefly between sleep cycles. The ability to return to sleep depends on a lot of things like environment, temperament, etc.

• Feeds! Lots of toddlers are still waking for feeds. There is no magical fairy dust that gets sprinkled over your breastfed baby at 12 months. Many toddlers still wake to feed well beyond a year old. If you are looking to reduce those or want to fully night wean, be sure to check out the Night Weaning Workshop from HSB to do it in a gentle and respectful way!

• Busy bodies and brains! Toddlers are constantly developing new physical skills, bursting with language, and experiencing bouts of separation anxiety. Think- fears, potty learning, starting school, etc. This means sleep might be even more disrupted than it was when your child was a baby.

• It’s Normal! In a study from 2020 that looked at two large birth cohorts (between 1000 – 2000 children in each). The study found…

  • The ability to self-soothe was relatively uncommon… the highest rate was seen at the age of 18 months, when it reached 50.2%

  • 18 month olds had an average of 1.1 waking per night

  • 2 year olds had an average of 0.9 waking per night

  • “Consolidation in the nighttime sleep was seen during the second year when the frequency of night awakenings decreased significantly towards 18 months of age”

Another study which used actigraphy (vs just parent report) found that:

• Toddlers wake an average of four times per night (though not all need parental assistance to go back to sleep)

• Toddlers tend to have later bedtimes, around 9:30 pm on average

• Toddlers sleep less than we think! Most are sleeping 8-9 hours per night (even though time in bed was over 10 hours)

One big thing we need to remember is that our kids develop and change very quickly. What they used to need might be different from what they currently need!

I think it is so important for us to meet our child where they are. Sometimes this might feel like going backwards, but I promise you it is not. As our children grow, so does their sense of self and their awareness of the world. Things like fears and anxieties are more likely to creep in, and the reality of the huge separation that is sleeping over night is a little easier to grasp. Your child might be away from you at daycare or school for much of the day, and they might be craving that connection at bedtime. This is why sometimes our toddlers or big kids might need even more support than they did as babies, and that is OKAY.

All that being said, it is still hard sometimes! Especially with multiple children that all need you at bedtime. If you’re looking to support your toddler with more independent sleep without resorting to sleep training, I created a Better Bedtimes Guide that will be perfect for you. The Better Bedtimes Guide will help you gain confidence & connection as you learn about toddler sleep, emotions & more.

Some baby sleep issues are red flags worth investigating. Download my FREE advocacy guide and learn how to spot possible medical red flags, track symptoms, and talk to your child’s healthcare provider with clarity and confidence.

As always, you know what’s best for your child and there is no age limit on when we should stop supporting our kids to sleep if they need it!

Was this helpful? Save it for later!