My Resolutions for Motherhood
I have never really one for new year’s resolutions. When I had considered them before I found myself leaning into negative self-talk, like, “be less messy!” and “you need to lose weight!” or “stop being lazy.” I then often felt like a failure when the time came to reflect on my success towards said resolutions.
As I started the new year, I feel differently; I was ready to approach parenting with a new perspective and put concrete, intentional resolutions - new year’s goals - in place to inform my parenting and ultimately, guide me to strengthening my relationship with my son. I’ve made goals for this year and beyond.
My Promises to Us
Here’s how I started 2022, and plan to start every year after that, my growing guy. If you didn’t make a resolution for the new year, it is still not too late. Here are some challenges I have for you:
Get Silly: Being silly is one of the things in parenting I find the most difficult. I would bet a lot of money no one has ever said, “Oh, Sarah? Such a silly person.” Your belly laughs are the best thing on this planet, and it would be the biggest miss of my life if I didn’t make it a priority to ensure we laughed together every day. You are growing into a curious, funny, and charismatic human, and I want to share in your laughter and joy through humor. I resolve to grow this part of me.
Less Screens: Not for you, for me. When bored or overwhelmed, I find myself in an endless Instagram loop and it’s stealing time from me and you. You tug on my sweater sleeve while I’m working and demanding a few more minutes before I give you my attention. I look up and you’re doing something new. The guilt is creeping in, asking “what have you missed?” and I need to listen. I cannot risk missing new words, you looking up at your dad and smiling, or you climbing over your triangle for the first time. I resolve to give you my presence.
More Cooking: My little chef! You eat red pepper from the spice container & are getting so curious about what’s in this and that & you are taking an active role in our family’s food. Getting through the day is tough, & cooking is rarely fun for me anymore which is a missed opportunity. Cooking is one of the most important things we do as humans - to nurture our bodies & our souls - & doing it together is building love for each other and appreciation for our food sources. I resolve to engage you in the kitchen, get messy & not just go through the motions.
More Music: Your body just wants to move and move, and it brings the biggest smile to your face to hear happy music. Through the day, we get so caught up in working and playing and diaper changes, it’s easy to forget that music is such a magical force in relaxation and mood improvement. You love the guitar, disco and Olivia Rodrigo and I wonder what else you’ll like as you grow more opinions and have more sensory experiences. I resolve to adopt music and exploring new sounds into our daily lives.
Language Learning: My guy, you are learning two languages and it’s incredible. I have such pride in knowing you are exposed to and understanding Turkish along with English, and it is a shame to me that I retained nothing from six years of American Sign Language and four years of Spanish language education. Your father and grandparents may not see the fact they are bilingual as anything significant, but I just think it is so important and truly special. Your books have taught me colors, animal names, fruits, and vegetables, but I want to share this with you and our family. I resolve to learn this language along with you.
Estate Planning: The most important gift I can give you is consistency and financial security. This year, we started the process to set up our revocable living trust and while it brings me peace to know we have thought through and planned for your care and future should something happen to us, it is heavy to think about. We’ve been dragging our feet on getting the final information settled. I resolve to finalize our trust documents, regularly revise them, and discuss them with you, age appropriately.
More Rest: Your life has been unusual, little one. You joined this world in the thick of a pandemic; we’ve moved, we now work from home, we go and go and go and do and do and do. One of the most important things I’ve learned this year is that I am not resting with intention, and I feel it in my body, in my anxiety and in how I speak to you. I resolve to rest, truly rest, when my body and mind are telling me they are in need.
Embrace the Reset
These promises are for my son, but they're also for my partner and for myself. They’re not just for 2022, but for always.
The reset - specifically, the nap reset - is one of my favorite parenting tools I picked up from following Rachael and the Hey Sleepy Baby community. The nap reset is, in practice, taking a break when your child just isn’t falling asleep. Accepting my child was simply not ready for sleep after trying to get him down for 15-20 minutes and coming back to it later was freeing. We used to embrace the nap reset a lot, especially when getting ready to drop a nap or he had a morning without enough physical activity. And, now at 18-months, we still do about once a week. It’s a perfect reminder that we can’t make an independent person sleep, we can only provide the environment.
I plan to reconsider these resolutions annually and reset where needed. If I haven’t felt them be successful, try again in a little while, or consider that it’s time to drop a resolution or focus on another one.
What were your goals for the New Year? How are your resolutions going so far?
