twins and sleep
in this post:
A quick Google search of twin sleep advice brings up thousands of results all littered with the suggestion that you MUST under all circumstances sleep train and adhere to a strict schedule at all costs or else you won’t survive. We all know how hard it is to try and get a singleton onto a schedule so the idea of scheduling two whilst practicing responsive sleep seems impossible. This blog is here to offer some support and advice for approaching sleep with multiples without the need to sleep train!
Approaching Twin’s Individual Sleep Needs
Your babies are two different humans and will do things in their own time. Reading through this Instagram Post shows perfectly how twins have their own individual timings and developmental rhythm. Accepting this can alleviate so much stress. That’s not to say aiming for a similar rhythm isn’t a helpful tool but that trying to keep to strict schedules is going to stress both you and your babies out. There are lots of reasons that twins have different sleep needs, temperament, medical reasons, different hourly sleep requirements, different nap patterns, neurodivergence, etc. All of these things could mean that you might have one infant who catnaps throughout the day but sleeps for longer stretches at night and another who takes long daytime naps and wakes more frequently for comfort and feeding overnight. The idea of trying to make these two different infants keep to the same strict schedule seems like incredibly hard work. Trying to steer the infants into taking naps at the same time or feeding at the same time can allow you to work towards more similar rhythms but letting go of the hour-by-hour schedule will reduce the anxiety and stress that newborn sleep can bring.
cobedding/bedsharing/safe sleep 7
Sleep setup with multiples can be a hard area to navigate. There is lots of evidence to say that co-bedding for twins is beneficial. There is evidence to say that twins who were cobedded spent more time in the same sleep states, more time in quiet sleep and they cried less than if they were in separate cribs. This sounds ideal but how should they be put down if they are cobedding? There are multiple ways they can lie together in a sleep space, side by side length and width ways, head to head, feet to feet, etc – you can find more examples here. Play around with the configuration until you find what works for you.
Infants love closeness at nighttime and twins/multiples are no different. However, bedsharing with twins adds another element of safety you need to consider. Lots of advice suggests to bedshare with one twin at a time due to the extra risks but if you are going to consider bedsharing it is vital that you follow the safe sleep 7 and if possible, enroll a partner or support to take full responsibility for where both babies are at all times. If this isn’t possible then make sure you don’t have either twin in between you and your partner and cuddle yourself around both. More information can be found about safe bed sharing with twins and multiples here. The book Mothering Multiples by Karen Gromada also comes highly recommended.
feeding twins - breast and bottle
It can be helpful initially to wake the other infant for feeding. For example, if one wakes and needs a feed, gently coaxing the other awake to feed can allow you to find a healthy feeding routine that works for all of you. You can feed them in tandem or back to back depending on what works. Once you have fed them and changed them etc and they are ready for another sleep try to get them to sleep at the same time but don’t worry about one waking before the other.
Breastfeeding multiples is possible but there are things you need to consider to make your journey easier. As with any breastfeeding journey being as informed as possible is key. This post here by Jade Walker talks about the highs and lows of feeding twins and offers great advice about getting support early, asking for second and third opinions, knowing tandem feeding takes time to establish, getting to know your pump, seeking support etc. Expectations are everything! Connect with other moms of multiples so you can gather advice from women who have walked this path before. There is also a wealth of information on this post from @az.breastfedbabies.
Bottle-feeding twins comes with its own set of difficulties to overcome. Finding a position where you can tandem feed them will help with saving time. Tune into each baby's individual feeding needs. Knowing which baby needs more support with winding, who takes more at different times of day etc will help you meet their individual needs more efficiently. Mothers of multiples often leave comments on my posts and Facebook groups talking about the importance of prepping. Finding a system of bottle preparation that works for you, especially if you are going to be home alone with the infants a lot.
expectations and guilt
The overwhelming full-body sensation when a baby cries is exhausting and with multiples you are going to experience this a little more. You only have two hands and there are going to be lots of times when they cry. When this is happening take deep breaths, sing to them, try to stay regulated, and talk them through what is happening. It’s okay for your babies to cry, they know you love them and it’s how you respond and react to it that matters. There’s a wonderful post here about dealing with the guilt around crying.
Another great piece of advice I’m told by parents of multiples is to lower your expectations. To know that most sleep and parenting advice is written for singletons and to cut yourself lots of slack. Drop as many demands as you can whether that’s around the house, commitments, etc. Accept all the help and ask for more. Make sure you aren’t doing any chores, cooking, washing, etc. You will need as much rest and sleep as you can. Lots of parents of multiples say finding another mum who practices responsive sleep is a lifeline and accessing an online community of support can lower the demand of needing to leave the house to feel some adult connection and support. I have an Instagram Post here you can use to connect with other moms.
Mothers of multiples are superheroes. I remember feeling consumed and overwhelmed with my first and thinking how on earth do people do this with more than one? Be gentle and loving with yourself and remember to ask for as much help as you can!
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