Toddler Sleep – Night Terrors and Gentle Parenting
The current state of toddler sleep in the west is that predominately most people sleep train. If you are in the minority and choose not to then there seem to be lots of newborn and baby sleep support but I felt lost when it came to my toddler’s sleep.
I have always followed my daughter’s emotional needs both daytime and night and as a result, we nurse to sleep, and co-sleep and I adore it. However, she has recently been experiencing a heightened sense of fear and has been experiencing night terrors and this has led to her wanting to be latched or sleeping on top of me for the entire night! I find it hard to sleep when she is latched and this past week I think I have had 12 hours of sleep in total across all seven nights which isn’t sustainable.
This heightened sense of night-time fear has coincided with daytime fear. She has recently had an explosion of her imagination and role-plays. Whilst it’s a joy to watch her role play with her dolls and small-world people, any noise or shadow is affecting her and peaking her anxiety. She has asked a few times this week if there are tigers in the house after reading her favorite book The Tiger Who Came to Tea by Judith Kerr.
After scanning lots of advice we have been handling the situation in these ways.
With her bedtime fears, we are acknowledging her fear and that she’s feeling scared and unsafe and then soothing and cuddling her and letting her know she’s safe and then matter of factly telling her there are no tigers in the house and nothing in the house that can hurt her. We offer confidence, connection, cuddles, and then laughter.
Overnight we have been offering her things to ground her, a drink of water (normally she wants to nurse), lots of cuddles, and telling her she’s safe, we’re here and offering warmth and connection in abundance.
With her daytime fears we are practicing soothing techniques with her but trying to keep it light, affectionate, and informative. ‘You’re safe, I love you, the builders are drilling next door and it’s making that sound, let’s take a deep breath together to remember we are safe’. In the daytime, I like to work with her on learning to breathe and soothe her anxiety. There is no expectation for her to be able to do this herself but it’s a great time to practice these skills together.
These approaches seem to be working well. The increased fear hasn’t stopped but her nervous system is learning that the fear response can be aroused and calmed and she’s using our regulated systems to practice this.
Overnight we have talked about ways that she can feel close to mummy to help her feel safe without having to be latched. This has been met with a lot of resistance but a nightlight, holding hands, lots of reassurance, and mummy cuddling her whilst she sleeps are working now as she navigates this developmental season.
If you need more help and support with night-time fears, look into the @Heysleepybaby course Building Better Bedtimes Guide and find her night terror highlight reel and post.
