Tips for starting childcare and returning to work
Preparing yourself
Starting back at work after maternity leave can be a super emotional and nerve-wracking time. It’s a huge adjustment for both caregiver and baby as you find a new rhythm. There are new demands on your time and attention, and this can bring up feelings of overwhelm, stress, grief, and guilt as you adjust to this new season. Here are my best tips and tricks to help you bridge this transition. I found that I needed to prepare myself as a mom and prepare my baby. So here are my practical tips for preparing the YOU!
finding the right childcare setting
It will be a much more successful transition if you feel happy and confident with the setting you have chosen. HOWEVER, it is almost impossible these days to find somewhere that completely aligns with EVERYTHING you would like so my advice is to:
Compile a list of non-negotiables for your desired setting. This might be the way they handle sleep, the student: caregiver ratio, outside time or the play philosophy, etc.
Generate a list of questions that you can ask at the settings you visit.This is a great resource to help.
Find out about their guidelines around infant sleep and their knowledge of safe sleep, including supervision of sleep (especially under 6 mos) and safe sleep spaces, as well as how they support babies to sleep, handle nap times etc. More information here.
Ask about their support of breastfeeding, handling pumped milk etc. and how they support the transition (if this is important to you).
Ask how they respond to tears and big emotions, especially during the initial transition phase and at drop off time.
Are activities child-led, and if not what is the balance between adult-directed and child-led, play and activities etc.
What a typical day looks like, the schedules and routines etc.
Gather information about how they communicate with parents. How often are there updates, texts, photos, etc. Figure out what you are comfortable with because this is an area that parents often struggle with.
LASTLY – LOOK EARLY – THEY FILL UP! And check in frequently if there’s a place you really like that has a wait list. Talk with local parents, join FB groups, etc. so you can be “in the know.”
know your rights at work
Although there isn’t a huge amount of legislation to protect mothers and caregivers in the US, there is some! Gather all the information you can so you can make informed decisions and speak up for your rights in the workplace.
What are your settings policies around flexible working hours/phased returns?
Find out about state and country laws surrounding breastfeeding and pumping.
There are laws in place to protect nursing/pumping parents for up to a year postpartum, ask your employer about their knowledge of this and how this is implemented at your place of work.
Employers are required by law to provide both breaks and a safe place for you to pump or express milk plus a place to store the milk.
Check out this podcast episode with Daphne Delvaux for more information on your rights!
know your needs
Once you have found out your rights surrounding flexible and part-time working, phased returns and working from home, etc. Figure out what works for you!
Do you need to start back at work all at once or does your employer offer a gradual return?
Would you rather start back at work part-time if this is something you can do?
Are there options for some work-from-home time? Is this something you want or need to negotiate?
Working out what you can do and what YOU need will help this to be a smoother transition!
Mothers aren’t as protected in the workplace as they should be considering the INCREDIBLE JOB they do but some employers do offer a more flexible way of working and returning to work and it is worth asking and negotiating a plan that is mutually beneficial for all!
striking the right balance at home
Co-Sleeping
My first big tip is to consider co-sleeping. It might not work for your family but in my experience and having worked with many families, co-sleeping is often the best way for the family to get more rest and offers the chance for you to reconnect after a long day away from your baby.
For some, bed-sharing can be a game changer but co-sleeping doesn’t have to mean sharing a bed. It just means being within proximity to your infant. There are many ways of doing this such as sidecar cribs, a crib in the parent's bedroom, a floor bed in the parent's bedroom, bed-sharing, etc. Sometimes it is trial and error to find what works for you. I personally love bed-sharing as it makes nursing easier but many parents find their baby too noisy or wriggly or can’t adhere to the safety guidelines and prefer more space or they find the idea of bed-sharing too anxiety-provoking.
If you are going to bed-share, make sure you are following the safe sleep guidelines.
Co-sleeping allows you to have more connection time with your baby when you have been apart from them all day. Furthermore, being close to your baby helps with breastfeeding and responding to your baby at night. This can be especially helpful if your baby starts to reverse cycle, which can be common when the nursing parent returns to work.
Involving your partner
This one is so hard for many of us, I know. But really- don’t be a martyr! Nighttime parenting doesn’t have to all fall on you if you have a partner available to share the load! It’s important to know your limits, ask for help and to share the nighttime shift. Finding the balance as a working mom can be hard and many of us reach the point of burnout before we call in help.
There are many ways a partner can help through the night:
1. Bringing the baby to bed to be fed if they have a separate sleep space.
2. Taking care of nighttime diaper changes.
3. Soothing the baby back to sleep through rocking or bouncing.
4. Making sure pump parts are cleaned, ready, and in the right place.
5. Making up formula feeds or prepped pumped milk
6. Getting up early with the baby so you can have an extra hour of sleep.
7. Sleeping in shifts.
At the weekend make sure you are sharing the parenting and the mental load. Fair Play is a great resource for looking into how to split the mental load more evenly.
Being direct in your communication about how to fill your cup back up. Asking your partner to up their game with words of affection, loving touch, support, affirmation, and reassurance. It can be so much easier to juggle the load when you feel appreciated!
Connection time
Intentional connection and your loving presence will help soothe the separation gap.
Connect with your baby when you are together. Make sure phones are away, work is at the back of your brain and fully engage with your infant as much as you can.
Offer lots of touch, skin-to-skin, eye contact, smiles, and laughter. You will need it too! Leaving your baby is hard!
Having go-to songs, games, and stories you do together is a nice way to build a strong and familiar bond.
Returning to work can feel daunting, trust me I have been there BUT – you’ve got this. You will find your rhythm and your way in this new season!
Stay tuned for Part 2, soon!
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