is baby crying in the car the same as CIO?
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This is such a common worry for parents who aren’t interested in CIO (cry it out) or controlled crying methods for sleep training. They so badly want to be responsive to their babies and worry that if their baby cries in the car it must mean they are letting them CIO. I had 2 car haters and I know the feeling. It’s SO stressful. I used to get anxious and sweaty and feel like I was going to die when my babies got to a level 100 cry when we were on a drive. Keep reading to see why this is different from sleep training and to get some tips on how you can make the car more enjoyable for everyone.
is crying in the car the same as cry it out?
When you're driving and baby is crying, you are still present. You can soothe baby with your voice or even your touch. You can also pull over and take breaks as needed. While it can be distressing, your baby isn't being left alone, you are able to provide *some* level of coregulation even if it's not ideal.
Crying is communication and your baby is communicating that they REALLY don't like this. They are asking for you to help them or trying to illicit a response from you. This is why crying is so distressing to parents: we are meant to MOVE into action when we hear a baby cry. When we're in the car, we can't move quickly to soothe our babies, which is why it can feel so incredibly stressful.
I know it's so hard when babies scream for entire car rides no matter what. It's really really hard on our nervous systems and makes us feel terrible for them! Car trips are largely unavoidable, and remember that it's not the crying itself that causes infants stress but rather the being left to cry alone.
tips for babies who hate the car
leave time after a meal
Be sure baby hasn’t JUST eaten. You want them full and content but if they’re too full or have gas they could be uncomfortable. Aim for feeding 15-20 minutes before your car trip and try to burp them too.
tweak the timing of your trip
If possible, play with the timing of your car rides. If baby is overly tired and ALSO doesn’t like the car, they might get really worked up instead of falling asleep. Try to plan on leaving when they are almost at the end of their wake window but not totally there. This way they may fall asleep and nap on your drive.
adjust the temperature
Be sure the temperature of the car is comfortable. Babies can get overheated very quickly in the carseat. Don’t add things like hats, mittens, etc. and never keep heavy jackets on babies while in the carseat.
experiment with the sun shade
It’s possible your baby wants to be able to see more of what’s around them, but it’s also possible that the sun is in their eyes.
check the carseat fit
Make sure the buckles fit properly and that there are no twists or other spots in the strap that could be pinching them. While we want the seat to be very snug and the straps to be tight enough, we don’t want them so tight that they are causing pain.
Make sure the seat fits properly. Some babies prefer a convertible car seat vs. an infant bucket-style seat. The angle of the convertible seat gives them more space and doesn’t scrunch them up in the same way as the bucket seat (ideal for reflux babes!), and they may be able to see out the sides a bit more. Consider bodywork if they have tightness, reflux, side preference, etc.
entertainment
Try playing music (check out my Taylor Swift playlist - always my go to!) that will help soothe and calm them down.
For older babies, you can try offering soft toys they only get in the car.
offer comfort
Use your voice (talking or singing) can help assure them you’re there or reach your hand back (when safe) to hold their finger or hand or stroke their head.
Take breaks whenever you can to calm them down, offer a feeding, etc.
If possible, sit next to baby if there are 2 adults in the car.
Like I said, I’ve been here and I know how hard it can be. My kids both grew out of this phase around 6-7 months but until then it was really hard to plan car rides and to deal with the crying. Sometimes the best I could do was put on some music (for both of us) and take some deep breaths.
For more on car trips and safety, check out this highlight on my Instagram!
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